Hold on Hope
by JennaSPN
Summary: Peter was a traitor.  James and Lily were killed.  Sirius was convicted.    Sirius' point of view when he was thrown in Azkaban, and how he found the strength to have hope for the future.
1. Chapter 1

It's just a short story that will be written parts at a time. I just felt like it had to be done. I know it's not an absolutely incredible piece of literature or anything, but I would appreciate your feedback.

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><p>Sirius Black stared vacantly at the wall before him, his eyes transfixed and unblinking.<p>

_Empty._

Just as he was.

It was a peculiar sensation to feel nothing but cold. And although the serrated walls before him were damp with moisture, and he could see his own breath with every exhale, he knew perfectly well that the numbness was not due to the bitter cold.

The cold was _in_ him.

It _was _him.

And it consumed him.

So much so, that he could not think straight.

So much so, that with every tremor it multiplied.

And that was it.

He was the shell of man he had once been.

One week in Azkaban was all it took.

He thought he was stronger than this.

Sirius brought shaking hands to his face and slid them across his forehead and through his dark hair. The action made him think of James.

_James. Oh God._

The name made tightness crawl up his chest.

It was a fleeting moment; downward spiral in his gut that caught him by surprise.

Then heat, sudden heat and he drew a raspy breath.

And the wall was no longer in his line of vision.

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><p>More to come, please review. It's a huge motivator.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Next part. Read and Review please :)

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><p><em>'Sirius.' James said kindly, placing a gentle hand on Sirius' shoulder as the handsome boy purposely averted his friends gaze and instead looked at his feet in shame. 'You don't have to go back there.' <em>

_Sirius looked to James in angry desperation. 'But I don't **have** anywhere else to go. They're my parents. My family- and I couldn't be less like them.'_

_'Don't be stupid Padfoot.' James said tightly. This caused Sirius to look up at him in confusion. 'What the hell do you think I am? And Remus? And Peter? **We're** your family you great big prat. You can stay here with me.'_

_Sirius chuckled sadly and looked at his friend. 'I can't just continue living with you for good Prongs.'_

_But James grinned. 'Ahh Padfoot but that's where you're wrong. You can do just that. I've already talked to my folks about it. I figured that this would happen eventually.'_

_Sirius stared in disbelief. 'You're joking.'_

_James shook his head. 'I'm not. My parents love you more than me, I reckon.' _

_Sirius laughed incredulously while James stepped forward smirking and embraced him tightly. 'Welcome home, brother.' he said, a hint of mischief in his voice._

_'Ah Prongs, don't get all mushy on me now.' Sirius scolded, clasping James roughly on the back. _

_Little did James know- Sirius' eyes were wet. _

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><p>More to come, please review. It's a huge motivator.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Aww poor Sirius. Writing this makes me sad.

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><p>And then the wall was before him again. Sirius panted and rubbed his temples. He wiped his eyes before the tears could escape. He struggled to catch his breath. What was that?<p>

He stood up for the first time in days and placed both hands against the icy stonewall, his eyebrows creased with bewilderment.

What he saw- it was so vivid…

_Clear your head, Sirius, clear your head._ He thought to himself, surveying his cell through a fog.

The images were returning, transparent and colorful and quick- as he was looking through a kaleidoscope. But he didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see them.

It hurt, it **hurt **too much and he didn't want to feel anything at all.

In the distance he could hear someone screaming. He wasn't sure if anyone really was. His vision was slipping and he clasped the wall in a feeble attempt. '_God dammit, **focus**_!' he screamed.

But he couldn't. He fell to his knees.

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><p>More to come, please review. It's a huge motivator.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I love Lily and James. A story about them is yet to come.

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><p><em>Sirius laughed loudly as he watched the two bicker. <em>

_He sat on an armchair opposite James, whose head was resting on Lily's lap while she played with his hair affectionately._

_'I **can't** believe you just called Sirius handsome!' exclaimed James dramatically looking up at her with a look of mock-horror._

_Lily smiled knowingly. 'Oh quit it you twat, I'm dating you aren't I?'_

_James shrugged grinning immediately. 'That's a good point.' _

_His eyes fluttered shut momentarily as he sighed in contentment, evidently enjoying Lily's fingers periodically brushing through his unruly black hair. _

_'For now anyways.' Sirius added playfully for the pure amusement of watching James' animated facial expressions. _

_Surely enough, James eyes bolted open in astonishment. '**Excuse** me?' he demanded, whipping a pillow in Sirius' face. He turned to look at Lily. 'Tell him you find me much more rugged and attractive.' _

_Lily giggled. 'I will do no such thing.' _

_'Come caress my hair Lils,' Sirius put in, to further annoy James. She rolled her eyes and looked at Sirius. 'Well in that case, I find James much more rugged and attractive than you.'_

_'Ouch. I'm hurt.' muttered Sirius placing a hand on his heart. James laughed triumphantly._

_Lily ceased stroking James' hair and reached back to her own 'My head is killing me,' she said. She untied the ribbon that was holding her hair in a neat ponytail and Sirius noted the admiring look on James' face as her scarlet curls cascaded down her back. _

_'You're beautiful.' James murmured and he looked at her with such tenderness in his expression that Sirius suddenly felt as though he were invading them in a very intimate moment. _

_Lily blushed and brought her face down to James' lightly brushing her lips against his. _

_'Thank you.' she whispered._

_Sirius coughed, and the two of them looked momentarily shocked to find him sitting opposite them, but conversation resumed without anymore public displays of affection, much to Sirius' relief._

_It was clear to him however, that James Potter **was** truly in love with Lily Evans. And he found it hard to suppress his grin. _

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><p>More to come, please review. It's a huge motivator.<p> 


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